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Porn Use & Secrecy Audit

This is not an anti-masturbation worksheet. Solo sex is healthy. The clinical concern with pornography is when use becomes hidden, compulsive, shame-driven, or starts replacing partnered intimacy. This audit helps you tell the difference between a use pattern that works for you and one that's costing you something.

Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.

Use this honestly. The audit is for yourself first. You don't have to share it with your partner. If you do choose to share, do it with a therapist present or after agreeing on what the conversation is for.

Name

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Date

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1 — The pattern

How often do I use porn? (frequency, time of day, length of sessions)

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What am I usually doing right before? (boredom, stress, after a fight, late-night insomnia, avoiding partner)

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What am I usually feeling right after? (release, shame, numbness, regret, neutral)

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Do I ever delete history, hide tabs, or feel like I'm hiding it? When?

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Has the content I look at shifted over time? In what direction?

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2 — The six signals

Tick every signal that's true for you right now. Add notes.

  • [ ] Secrecy — I hide it, lie about it, or feel I have to.
  • [ ] Shame — I feel bad after, but I do it again to escape the bad feeling.
  • [ ] Escalation — the content has drifted toward things that conflict with my values.
  • [ ] Less partnered pursuit — I find I'm initiating sex with my partner less.
  • [ ] Difficulty staying present — harder to be in the moment with a real partner.
  • [ ] Failed attempts to cut back — I've tried to reduce or stop and haven't.

Notes / specifics

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3 — What it's doing for me (and for me alone)

Not every use is problematic. Sometimes porn helps with stress regulation, sleep, sensory de-escalation, or solo learning about your body. Honesty here matters.

What is it actually doing for me that I'd miss?

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What other tools could give me that thing? (sleep, exercise, stim, connection, masturbation without porn)

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4 — ND considerations

For some ND people, porn becomes a sensory-regulating ritual or hyperfocus loop. The behavior may be doing real regulation work — but the cost on partnered intimacy is real too. Both can be true at once.

  • [ ] Hyperfocus loops — I get pulled in deeper and longer than I planned.
  • [ ] Sensory regulation — the routine itself is calming.
  • [ ] Masking decompression — it's the only time I drop the mask.
  • [ ] Demand avoidance — partnered sex feels like an obligation; solo doesn't.
  • [ ] Monotropism — once it's the channel, it's hard to redirect.

5 — One adjustment

If I were to make ONE change for the next 2 weeks, it would be

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How will I know it's working? (concrete signal, not a feeling)

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If this is hard: Compulsive sexual behavior is treatable, but rarely with willpower alone. If you ticked 3+ signals in section 2, or if section 3 didn't produce anything you could substitute, that's information. A therapist who works with sexual behavior can help.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

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