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Sensate Focus Tracker
Sensate focus is a structured practice for rebuilding sexual connection without performance pressure. Each step deepens, slowly. This worksheet tracks where you are, what's working, and what to bring back next time.
Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.
How to use this worksheet
Read the steps. Don't skip ahead — the point is the floor, not the ceiling. Pick a step and spend a session there. 20-30 minutes. Pause / pause word available any time. After the session, fill in a row. Repeat steps multiple times before moving up. Most couples spend 1-3 weeks per step.
Name
______________________________________________
Date
______________________________________________
The stairs — seven steps, in order
1 — Non-genital touch (clothed)
Take turns giving and receiving touch. Anywhere except genitals or breasts. Clothes on. 15-20 minutes each side.
2 — Non-genital touch (unclothed)
Same as step 1, but unclothed. Still no genital or breast contact. Notice what your body offers.
3 — Adding genitals & breasts (no goal)
Touch is allowed everywhere. The instruction stays: no goal. Stop if it becomes goal-driven.
4 — Mutual exploration
Both partners explore each other at the same time. Pace and pause as needed.
5 — Mutual touch with optional arousal
Arousal is welcome but not required. If it shows up, it shows up. If not, the session is still complete.
6 — Penetration (optional, slow)
If both partners want, slow penetration. The goal-free attitude continues. Stop and connect any time.
7 — Integration
Bring sensate focus principles into your usual sex. Slow start. Pause check-ins. Goal-free moments.
Session tracker
One row per session. Fill in right after — while it's fresh.
Row 1
- Date: ____________________
- Step: ____________________
- What worked: ____________________
- What was hard: ____________________
- Repeat? (Yes / No): ____________________
Row 2
- Date: ____________________
- Step: ____________________
- What worked: ____________________
- What was hard: ____________________
- Repeat? (Yes / No): ____________________
Row 3
- Date: ____________________
- Step: ____________________
- What worked: ____________________
- What was hard: ____________________
- Repeat? (Yes / No): ____________________
Row 4
- Date: ____________________
- Step: ____________________
- What worked: ____________________
- What was hard: ____________________
- Repeat? (Yes / No): ____________________
Row 5
- Date: ____________________
- Step: ____________________
- What worked: ____________________
- What was hard: ____________________
- Repeat? (Yes / No): ____________________
Row 6
- Date: ____________________
- Step: ____________________
- What worked: ____________________
- What was hard: ____________________
- Repeat? (Yes / No): ____________________
Row 7
- Date: ____________________
- Step: ____________________
- What worked: ____________________
- What was hard: ____________________
- Repeat? (Yes / No): ____________________
Row 8
- Date: ____________________
- Step: ____________________
- What worked: ____________________
- What was hard: ____________________
- Repeat? (Yes / No): ____________________
Reflection
Trade tracker pages: Reflect together, not as a quiz.
What surprised me about a session this week?
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
When was I most present? When did I drift?
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
What is one thing I want to bring back into our regular sex?
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
What is one accommodation I want to ask for next session?
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Slow is the point: If you find yourself wanting to speed up or aim for a goal, that's the exercise working. Notice it, and slow back down.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. The intimacy session for a neurodiverse couple: what gets in the way, how to invite and say no, a touch card, and when to see a specialist.
- Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodiverse Couple. Intimacy in a neurodiverse couple — spontaneous vs responsive desire, the sensory side of sex, why pressure backfires, and how to design it together.
- Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Sex and intimacy for neurodivergent bodies: sensory load, masking, direct communication, and consent.